People have many different definitions for what a friend is; and sometimes definitions can clash with one another if it is seen that the values don’t align. Which is quite a shame sometimes. But often for the best.
I’m not using the dictionary term, because I’ve already done that. A friend in my own lexicon is someone who you are close with and can have conversations out of the blue, alongside genuinely caring for your well-being.
You see, I am a firm believer in friendship being a two-way street, and I often don’t bother with people who can’t in turn be bothered in the first place. Such a belief has led some to presume that I’m an isolationist who only goes out for the sake of networking, but that is false. I speak to people, but in a cordial manner that reflects the style of the meeting.
In order to fully expand my point, let me give some examples of people who are or were perceived as friends; after all. My comments mean nothing without some sort of evidence.
The Age-Old Buddy
He, who I will call “Caleb”, has been an acquaintance and friend since we were both in a pre-preschool program at the age of two. Even though we went to different elementary school, there was always a friendly attitude at present and conversations could spark with just so much a hello. I always find it baffling when people see friends but are like “Eh, I don’t care”. So are they really your friend?
Recently, Caleb reached out to share a Reel, and that’s the sort of friendship that is present. You reach out, and act like no time has passed and there is no animosity.
That is the friendship I enjoy.
The Peer
In my communications class, I became acquainted with and then befriended a classmate, whom I will call Jane for the purposes of this post. We both came from similar cultural backgrounds and ideas related to academic structure, which made it easy to have conversations that lasted a while. There was no forced structure; it was smooth and flowed into the next idea.
Like conversations should be.
The Traveler
3 years ago, I went on this little journey that led me to get a few connections. One of these connections was someone who I was relatively close with, and then ended up going to the same university as I. Naturally, it only made sense that we would catch up and reconnect.
But even though I only see them once a month, it is nice to see someone whom I had known prior and from a different environment, to talk about things that would only make sense with them. Plus, it makes making even more connections easier when you already have a strong onethat can vouch for you.
Who Does Not Qualify
Here is an example of someone who does not qualify as a friend:
People may remember from last May’s post when I more-or-less shamed someone for proclaiming to be a friend when they really… were not a good person at all.
You may ask if anything happened. TLDR: no.
I do not believe that social media “followers/following” is the sign of a friendship, even though this person believed as such. So in January, I decided to remove my following status from them, because I felt there was no reason for me to be following certain people, and they were one of them. In turn, they decided to unfollow me… then request to follow me back.
Yeah, that ship sailed. They’re no longer welcome on my accounts. (To be totally transparent: they did send me a message in Snapchat in January that I elected not to open as a reversal of their refusal to get back to earlier messages.)
All in all? Don’t say you’re my friend when you can’t be bothered with checking up on the person from your end. That’s just an acquaintence, or maybe a LinkedIn connection at the least.
So?
Everyone has different definitions of what a friend is. For me, it is someone who I have a genuine connection with and both parties are willing to make an effort. If you can’t have that, then are you friends? Or just individuals who happened to make a good conversation once, then fade into the void? Never to be heard of by the other again.
-z.a.